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I wish god helps me this time somehow,...

6379 views 16 replies

I am struggling through life since last 10-11 years, dont understand whats going wrong.... I daily cry, my mentality is totally disturbed. I sometimes feel like killing myself, and daily beg God to kill me, as I am not interested in this Life, not at all..... 

Before I used to be a different person, used to help everyone, used to try and keep every1 around me smiling, HAD LOTS OF FRIENDS now daily I wish bad for few people, who I consider ditched me and that too at a stage when I needed them badly. I stay alone

This change in me, started when there came few friends in my life. I used to work as account assistant at that time. We (me, and other 3 - 2 girls and 1 boy), (dont wanna mention any names) were doing all well, were good friends, used to enjoy all others were articles at that time. I used to work as account assistant at that time. When suddenly one girl proposed me. I didn't understood anything. She was already in relationship with some other guy. I knew it, I asked her to be sane and continue with her old boyfriend, because she loved that guy and knew her from her school days..... her acts were annoying me..... then at last I took a decision of quiting my job.....becasue I always saw her as my friend. I did, unfortunately then I tried for CPT last time and passed, before that continuing with my job, I had already attemped 3 times for CPT... this time I passed with 131 marks, when I gave the exam most causually, ...... Then somehow I completed my articleship, my articleship period was also not good atall where my principal was never present in the office and I had a rough patch with my senior who was acting as a boss for me... atlast I fought with him for some genuine reasons, I placed my concern before my principal 4-6 times in brief meetings with him, and for the last year I quited and joined other CA firm and also worked with call centre to live my earnings. Some how I got my articleship certificate atlast.

Somehow I was struggling very hard and side by side was pursuing Martial Arts, which was about to yield me back for my last 6 years practice,- for I was now practising for black belt.

Suddenly again the twist came.... The girl msgd me on facebook whom I left for good reason ......

She made me realised that I was was the reason for her disturbed life and broken relationship...., , I decided to marry her as I didn't wanted to play love game, I never ever wanted to get in this game... I introduced her to all my friends, my Martial arts master, whom I praise from the bottom of my heart.   - My guru.

I was very confused with my girlfriends behaviour, she didnt allow me to access her cell phone and some other things were used to make me question about her. I doubted her double crossing me, then came a break up, I broke up after having relationship with her for 2 months. she asked for it 3 to 4 times, but nderstood nowI didn't wanted to quit as I didn't want to play, never did thought so.

I really was in love with her this time and wanted to marry her. Inspite knowing that she was a bl**dy b*tch which I understand now, I fought for her with my parents, friends and quited on every one. I quited everything and everyone for her, just was thinking continuosly about her............. In this two months I did wrong things which I never thought I would do.... I lied so many people, defended her..... I lost my mother's trust.... who I praise next to God. I fought with her too.

 

Since I quited my job I never spoke with my other family members other than my mom. I was totally depressed.

And now after having relation with that bl**dy b*tch, I am feeling all down.... I feel like killing myself.

She passed CA, and now have even got engaged with the same person whom I beleived she was cheating with me for.

I really curse her from the bottom of my heart. I quited everyone for her.... even I fought with God daily..... went on my knees when ever I got any news about her.......

 

Today I feel like I am going to end my life. I don't have my parents besides me, nor any friends, neither anyone who can understand me ......... 

I feel like dead person only living because I breath..... there is no difference between me and a dead person..... whatever difference is left I wish it ends quickly.

I have no good job, no one to support me, and I have turned 28..... and on top of all this I am not passing my PCC.....

 

She quited me because I am not a "CA" ......, Is this "CA" degree so important than relationship......... Does this degree mean so much to people that they play with theirs and others life too.......

 

She has got engaged to a person who is not only a CA, but is also having CS and LLB. Wow thats so great of her.... So matured decision.....

What I know is God might forgive her but not me, not in any case......

I will curse her my whole life and even after death.... I struggled very hard, studied very hard, getting up at 2 am sleeping by 11 pm.... just to pass this exam.... still I did not.... Seems this is end of my life.... end of everything for me.

 

 

Replies (16)

@ mayur s dixit,

y can't u be happy man at what u are???

be happy man..every 1 will be left at one day..y u want too early for that....just think about your parents,,,,how they feal without uuu...being a boy be proud man..

At first step, just u forgot about your love story & about the girl & moreover for clearing C.A exams just go for single group & do smart work.yesyesyes

 

 

Look bro....

We cant change whatever has happened....

But you can surely make changes in your future ....

Think that you are lucky, you escaped from that cheating girl...

Now your life is in your hand...

Concentrate on studies and ur life and take care of your parents...

I dont understand why the hell you gave too importance to that girl???.. 

Onething i would like to say ..see 98% of today's girls give importance to ur status & qualification....

They are least bothered how much you love them........

So be brave and go ahead in life..........yes

Hey Mayur this is really really unfortunate but don't ever think of ending your life. By doing so you may escape from this topsy turvy life but think about your parents if anything happens to you. They will be no good than a living dead if you commit anything unfortunate to yourself.

Just hold on bro. This life is being real tough to you and you got to be tougher. Be brave and move on. I absolutely agree to the above reply by CA Pillai. Rather than considering yourself so hapless, you should be thanking God that you got rid of her before it could have been very late. You deserve a lot better in life.

I understand that you are very depressed just now but you got to hold on. This is indeed very very tough time for you but tough times never lasts and tough people really do. Be strong and move on. You never know what tomorrow has kept instored for you. A new day will surely dawn for you, just hold on. There has to be a light at the end of every dark tunnel so keep moving.

2 month k love k liye ye sab krne ko taiyar ho........

 

APni  life barbaad krne ko taiyar ho........

 

PER 20-25 SAAL K PYAR KO BHUL GE PARENTS K.............

 

STRANGE....................

 

Bro jo hogya so hogya......move on.......

 

u r not a single person in dis world who have face dis........

 

Be strong.........n think abt ur family n career...................

 

N proof urself ki aap bhi kisi se kam nhi...........

 

All d best for ur lyf n career.........

 

n 1 thing Bro......

 

Dnt wish ki god will help u.......

 

its u only who can help u in better way.........

 

 

 

 

 

mayur life is too short y to waste it going around people who have hurted us..............................live life to the fullest..........................u wont get it again buddy..........................concenterate on ur career..................and forget it,i know its easy to say but still dear may b u must b having something very good in store for u in future..................................and think about ur parents how wd they b feeling bcoz of this behaviour of urs...............that girl myt not b thinking abt u for a fraction of a second then y u want to waste ur life for her...........cheer up buddy............................go around wid frnds.......listen to some nice peppy songs..................life will hv smthg good for u for sure bcoz life has happy endings,and if its not happy then its not the end buddy.................................

and one thing more buddy the greatest way to take positive revenge is to b one of the top notch among all.................

and plz dont try to evade the situation..........................face it wid full confidence and try to b above the crowd with ur excelent academic background............................and let others know what u r,what is ur real worth...........................

I sometimes get too depressed because of many things happening suddenly and that too in wrong way, I have gone through ups and downs in life but not so down ever.....

Whatever I cannot kill myself I know that, I tried it before a lot ways by riding at top speed of my bike, doing stupid stunts, and all that but was unable to kill myself, these all facts have made me more fearless rather than killing me.....

I just wish I stop crying somehow for that bl**dy b*tch., I cannot ignore her face which comes in front of me again and again...., that stupid innocent look as if she is just a kid... innocent kid....

I am not able to concentrate on my studies although its been more than 1 year... I sit for hours keeping books in front of me in library, nearly 10-12 hours I have tried sitting continuously at one place to just read 1 page of a single page..... Even in office I am a lost guy....

Neither my 6 years experince is working out nor anything else is throwing out any results. I don't know what's next...... I was a fearless fighter once, now even my friends frieghten me.... But I will recover from it I know this very well.... I don't know how but I will....

I am sorry to post all the rubbish yesterday, Just wish this phase pases soon...as its already more than a year.

I always beleived every person is responsible for his own do's and dont's. I am too responsible for what I have become today.... I will recover someday, I just hope I recover soon.....

 

 

mayur for few days leave books............................do something which u like the most....................u know what the biggest achievement of life is when u r the reason for ur parent's smile....................and i dont know y r u giving importance to a girl who has moved on and is just not bothered abt u......life has much more to it......its not just abt love,liking and frndship.......life does not start wid love liking and frndship and neither ends wid breakup and betrayal....................u hv learned a lesson ambibe it in ur life and move on.......ur career ,ur bright life....ur aspirations r waiting for u,hw can u keep ur life at stake on such small issue....................

Hi mayur....

I think you need to be more optimistic in life...stop these negative feelings taking over you...

every donwfall in life gives us an opportunity to rise.....

watever happened with you, take it as gud and convert these negative enegry and all your anger in a positive way......

you need to overcome all your negative emotions....

spend time with your family, share your feelings with them and they will help u in coming out of it...

everybody commits mistakes in life, dont burden urself by thinking about negative aspects of it...It has given you an oppotunity to understand your life..

Try to read some good books on positivity........u will feel good.....

if u will keep thinking negative, ur mind will attract more such things and circumstances will be miserable for u....stop doing that......

meditate and imagine all positive things which u want in ur life....& ur life will change for sure.....

all d best....n tc.

Its correct what our parents say, they restrict girls and not men, this is because men by birth by nature cant understand many things. Discrimination should be there between girls and boys, girls should not allow men beyond limit. Though men are very good but after associated to a girl he would get many problems. dont believe girls believe your parents and your career.

 

 

Good and Nice Advices from all. thank you friends and 

Mayur - Think Positively and lead your life happily with your parents. 
But don't do the same mistake again in your life never. 

Every one, one day will realize and have to answer for his/her soul. then every one knows their mistake, but at that time they can't get the life back. 


There is no backward button in life, this should understand now a days girls & guys.
Be positive and think about your parents once. 


Degree's and Richness never decide human charecter and never give happibess always, this is not understanding now a days genaration and even parents also. will see when the world will end and Return back with good thinkings............. if any one don't understand it and don't give respect to you then go far from them, because u r self-respect u have to maintain first. I know as in this stage u know everything but just remembering all. think once now.........

 

girls do have self respect have parents to take care have own goals to reach.....

 

and please dont share these in professional site as it resembles your weakness and it looks you are seeking mental help and hope publicly and it may become routine thing to expect hope from your people around you.... because your people around always cant give hope or mental help as if they have their own problem your  mother father and your friends also may ve faceed many problems without your knowledge,...  but they would not have disclosed it or have overcommed it by facing those, may be i am not correct to advise i dont know anything about you. but just think of your own strengths and concentrate on it. As a Proffesional person dont disclose too personal things. 

 

Many people i see hungry of food i would like to share one of my experiece today morning i throwed a spoiled potato my mistake onto the road   a lady begger with small child ran towards it and took it to see what as it looks like sapota fruit, but she throwed after finding it as a spoiled potato but that child around 12 years with un combed red hairs, ugly face filled dust and sand and rubbing his  dry red eyes with starving stomach in hot day, took it and ate one side of the potato which is fine, any how my aunt on seeing thiis gave some rice and curd to them

 

please stop speaking about love and lust between girl and boy but speak about love between human race and nature, world is mixture of nature and knowledge that equals to woman and men, they are nothing but parents who are true god on earth.

 

Girls are selfish and bad you are good. Dont think of any girl in your life, just move on thinking as every one as human and try to make a healthy competeition with every poaitive aspect of  every person around you

 

Al the best. Thank you bhayya as i myself get boosted more and more to reach my dreams as quickly as possible as if who knows life ends at any point of time so you make yourself smarter to speed up and complete your CA as early as possible 

 

Dont worry Mayur. This phase too will pass away.

Being a girl i too agree there are some weak moral girls exist in this world.

Best example is my officemate who is in relation wid one guy for 2 years , they both are doing CA final.

But that girl was having extrarelationship affair with another guy who is 30+.

She used to tell me that she used to chat with that 30+ guy even at odd time like 4.00 clock in the morning.

I was feeling disgusting how can a girl who is already in relationship can do such things.

She even asked that 30+ guys to meet her. And that guy used to come from long way to meeet her.

And finally she showed her real color that 30+ guy.

Now that guy is unable to concentrate on his studies neither in his business.

I stopped talking to that girl. She dont deserve to be a called legitimate girl.

 

So mayur be very careful, Dont believe nowdays girls easily. Always be alert.!


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