I still remember 7 months ago, I was experiencing the same things that all or maybe the majority of you are facing now-Exam Pressure. To put in other words it was the fear of failure that worried me more.
Well, many people say that fear of failure actually brings more focus and sincerity in our preparation and eventually helps us succeed. It is true but, fear of failure during the last few weeks is a major risk in itself.
Having completed 95% of my preparation by mid-June I was quite confident about clearing and honestly aiming for a rank too. Then came September-Mock test, October-RTP and along with this came the humongous burden of being able to clear in the first attempt.
No amount of preparation and motivation helped me come out of the fear of failure.
The same fear which helped me study in a disciplined manner helped me not skip a single day of coaching, was now eating up my confidence and time.
I would go on crying for hours and my parents had to put in all the efforts in counselling me and getting me back on track.
On 15 October 2018, I took a major decision which, I if I think about now, seems to be the most foolish one ever -to skip the Nov -2018 attempt.
I convinced myself that I would not clear even if I write so what is the point in writing and failing.
My parents and friends were in complete shock as I was never the person who would give up.
I'm sharing this to tell you that its pretty normal for even the strongest of you to get affected by the fear of failure.
The day I decided not to give the exam, I sat in my balcony thinking how life had changed in a few months- from aiming for a rank to not giving the exam at all.It was a chilly morning and then I realized how many days or rather months have I spent neither seeing the sunrise nor the sunset.
6:15 a.m.classes no Sundays, no Saturdays, no matter what the weather is we have struggled for what- to become a Chartered Accountant and for that we all have to give the exam first and most importantly without fear.
I left behind all my fears and opened ISCA chapter 5 with only the memories of my hard work.
Yes, the only weapon to win over our fears is the confidence in our efforts, our struggles and our hard work.
Each one of us should believe that we can.
It was my birthday before the first exam -the third consecutive birthday that I had not celebrated after joining this course-no regrets, but I told myself all this cannot and shouldn't go waste.
I remember my Sir (articleship) called up and I told him that I was really scared. He told me-"tomorrow is the battle- you either win or lose, there is no going back."
Everything was not easy and don't expect it to be.
Fifteen minutes through the Direct Taxation exam and I wanted to hand over the paper and leave.
My dad who waited patiently for three hours everyday told me just one thing before every exam -"don't fail yourself even before the Institute declares the results."
I did give all my exams -coming out happy at times and crying mostly.
On Jan 23, 2019-I became a Chartered Accountant.
Each one of us has struggled, put in years and gave up on many things that others would dread to give up and come to this stage.
Let the last minute fear of failure not take away your chance to succeed.
Believe in yourself. If ever you feel like walking away from the room, just think why not sit there and spend the remaining two hours rather than going home and regretting.
Had I skipped my Indirect Taxation exam because of the aftermath of the DT exam I would not have been writing this article today
Lastly, I would conclude by saying what the doctor( yes, i was admitted before my ISCA exam)told to cheer me up
"Exam is not something to be afraid of- it is to be awaited for like a festival- for its the culmination of years of hard work."
Wishing you all success.