A CA Student's Saga

It was around 1:45pm and was expecting results of my CA-PCC 2^nd attempt to come. I was little bit nervous. My brother called me up in his room and told me that results are out. I typed my roll no. and saw “FAILED” written on my e-result sheet. And to make it even worse, I was failed in each damn subject.  I was totally shocked and was able to take out my eyes out of my Laptop. I immediately switched off my Mobile Phone and started typing nearby roll nos. on the website of ICAI results. I saw that many people have PASSED. All my Friends and near & dears were now in CA Final. My cousin in Kolkata who is a year younger to me cleared CA-IPCC and entered CA-Final before me. How shameful I was feeling. I had to accept my defeat and was in no mood to talk to everyone. I saw a sudden change in my Parent’s attitude from that day on. They kind of boycotted me. I felt really bad. I had my Lunch and it was really difficult to digest the defeat at that time.

I used to brood about “Being a Quiz Caption at my College” or “Clearing CA-CPT at my 1^st attempt” and so on. My parents, my grandparents and my Brother expected a lot from me. But I crushed all these expectations into the dustbin. After the Lunch, I locked myself into the room and that’s where my drama started. It was even worse than being an Alcoholic, I started thinking about mistakes I did in the past and what people think about me. One negative thought attracted another thought and I felt my Heart heavier. I started crying and it went on for hours. I slept in complete exhaustion and it was the worst nap of that night I ever had.

I kept my mobile phone switched off for next 2 days until the day my parent’s 26^th anniversary arrived. I thought, “I am such a loser. I snatched the opportunity to give them the Best Anniversary I could have given “.They were not talking to me for the last two days properly and it was really pinching me. I usually gift them with Greeting Card and Anniversary Cake. I didn’t happen this time. I was like as if someone has died. But it was true; I had killed their Son’s expectation to become CA. Even my brother was sad about me as well himself because he was unable to clear his CA-Final exams. At times I start getting Goosebumps thinking about this Saga. Many Phone Calls from relatives came and with the sad tone, my mom had to say, “He didn’t Clear”.

I finally took up courage and went to my parent’s room after lunch and wished them “Happy Anniversary” [I know, it was late]. They didn’t respond. I tried to hug my mom but she relented. I asked her why she is doing all this. She replied that because I didn’t study. She knew very well what I did actually in pretext of studying. I wasted my time and spend my Dad’s hard earned money on partying with my friends. She knew very well that I studied only for last 15 days seriously for my exams. She used to remind me every time that I am not studying after my Coaching Classes and was not doing homework. I used to fight and give derogatory comments in my Coaching Classes. She did felt that I was given so much freedom which was hampering my ability to work. I was lazy and not agreeing to work hard. I really wasn’t into the idea of working hard because I believed that my hard work will be as justified a waste of time if I failed.

She told me that my Dad [who is a well established Practicing CA] was also in the same dilemma a few years ago. But he promised my mom that whatever happens, he will become a successful CA. She comforted him at every instant of life and he is the Best. She told me to promise her the same thing. I never ever promised anyone in my life and she was asking me to promise her. It was very difficult. Then my dad came into the picture. He asked me a simple Question, Are you planning to leave CA? I said, ”I don’t know”. He asked me whether I had plans to leave CA just because I was forced to do CA or was it just because I clear my exams. There comes the light to my problem. I came to know the bottleneck of my problem,” It was the fear of Failure”. He said no more. He knew my answer.

I made a promise in writing to my parents. And maybe today I am in CA Final just because of that promise. With a clear vision in my mind, I started with my study. I did face lots of distractions over my mind. It was very difficult to ignore it at first and later it worked. In my mind I used to say “I WILL MAKE IT HAPPEN “. I did paste this slogan in my study room. I understood the importance of my Family from that day on. They loved me and they were the ones who were actually mine. My mom still tells me that she can’t see me in my bad spirits and wants me to complete CA as soon as possible and start earning. Even this saga was the worst nightmare for my family. I even understood that “It is of no use crying over the spilled milk” and should start afresh.

My vision is still clear. I am going to become CA whatever happens. I missed the opportunity to become CA in my Dadima’s Life [she expired 3 months ago] and I don’t want to miss any more opportunities. Everyone has dreams which are meant to be fulfilled. I visited Dubai last week and saw Burj Khalifa. I thought how proud the architect of Burj Khalifa will be and the Burj Khalifa standing in the middle of Dubai was not only the dream project of that architect but of the whole Damn Dubai.

To end this article there are some Lines from the Walls of Burj Khalifa.

“I am the power that lifts the world’s head proudly skywards, surpassing limits and expectations.

Rising gracefully from the desert and honouring the city with a new glow. I am an extraordinary union of engineering and art, with every detail carefully considered and beautifully crafted.

I am the life force of collective aspirations and the aesthetic union of many cultures. I stimulate dreams, stir emotions and awaken creativity.

I am the magnet that attracts the wide-eyed tourist, eagerly catching their postcard moment, the centre for the world’s finest shopping, dining and entertainment and home for the world’s elite.

I am the heart of the city and its people; the marker that defines Emaar’s ambition and Dubai’s shining dream.
More than just a moment in time, I define moments for future generations.

I am Burj Khalifa.”