Time Pass

Response to Bill Gates 
 
For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives (!?!), read on.... 
 
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX),Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, 
 
'If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that would give 1,000 miles to the gallon.' 
 

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: 
 
If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part ): 
 
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash.........  Twice a day. 
 
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car. 
 
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this. 
 
4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine. 
 
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads. 
 
6 The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single 'This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation' warning light. 
 
I love the next one!!! 
 
7. The airbag system would ask 'Are you sure?' before deploying. 
 
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna. 
 
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car. 
 
10. You'd have to press the 'Start' button to turn the engine off 
 
PS - I'd like to add that when all else fails, you could call 'customer service' in some foreign country and be instructed in some foreign language how to fix your car yourself!!!! 

Kiss & Slap

A boss, his Assistant, one old woman and her young daughter are travelingin a train and during the course of time get themselves introduced to each other and become temporary friends.
 
The train goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel.
 
The women and the Assistant are sitting there looking perplexed.
 
The boss is bending over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap. All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.
 
The Old woman is thinking:
These bosses are all crazy after girls. He must have kissed my daughter in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him. 

The Young girl is thinking:
The boss must have tried to kiss me but kissed my mother instead and got slapped.
 
The boss is thinking:
Damn it. My Assistant must have kissed the young girl. She might have
thought it was me and slapped me.
 
The Assistant is thinking:
If this train goes through another tunnel I will make another kissing sound and slap my boss again. The Rascal keeps harassing me in the Office
.

One spelling mistake can destroy your life! 

A husband wrote a message to his wife on his official trip and forgot to add 'e'at the end of a word..... 

"I am having such a wonderful time!
Wish you were her.!"

This could happen to you. 

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other toilet saying: 
'Hi, how are you?'

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, 
'Doin' just fine!' 

And the other person says:
'So what are you up to?'

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say: 
'Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!' 

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question. 
'Can I come over?' 

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell them 
'No..I'm a little busy right now!!!' 

Then I hear the person say nervously... 

'Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other toilet who keeps answering all my questions.' 


Mobile phones, don't you just love them
?