santa banta jokes

2.Santa ped pe chadha...ped pe bird ne usse kaha..."kya karne aaaye ho yahan?"

Santa- apple khane aaya hoon...

Bird- Par ye to mango ka ped hai..

Santa - tune mujhe kya bewakoof samjha hai? main apple saath me lekar aaya hoon....

Mele me announcement huyi..."  1 baccha mila hai...jinka hai aake le jayen.."

Santa daudta hua aaya aur kaha.."mujhe bhi dikhao JIN ka bacha kaisa hota hai...!!!!

Conductor bus me logon ko chadha raha tha...saari ladies chadh gayi to conductor ne kaha " NO More.."

Santa bola..." acha beta...saari morni chadha lin...aur hamari bari aayi to NO MOR??"

Santa - "yaar teri aur bhabhi ke jodi ekdam Ram - Sita ki jodi jaisi hai.."

Banta-" kya khaak Ram sita ki jodi hai....na to wo dharti me samati hai ...na to use raavan utha ke le jata hai..."

Very nice.............................................................

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Santa- yaar teri wife ki maut da bada dukh hai mujhe....vaise hue ki tha?

Banta- Goli lagi thi mathe vich...

Santa - chal shukra kar aankh bach gayi...

प्रेमी ने अपनी प्रेमिका के फ़ोन पर मिस कॉल की यह देखने के लिये की उसने उसका नंबर किस नाम से सेव किया है!
स्क्रीन पर नाम आया मुर्गा नंबर 5!

Teacher- " batao agar tumhare paas 2 roti hai aur tumne dono rotiyan kha li to tumhare paas kya bacha???"

Santa (sochne ke baad).." SABJI"

प्रेमिका: कुछ ऐसा कहो न जिससे मेरी दिल की धड़कन तेज हो जाये, मेरा दिल जोर- जोर से धड़के, मुझे कुछ कुछ हो!
प्रेमी: भाग तेरा भाई आ रहा है!

Santa ko vodaphone me job mil gayi...par use wahan se dhakke maar ke nikaal diya gaya....socho kyun????

kyunki...

caller.." mera vodaphone ka sim block ho gaya hai..kya karoon??"

Santa - " oye pagal to Airtel ka le le na"

संता अपनी शादी वाले दिन बहुत उदास था!
बंता: क्या बात है? आप उदास क्यों हो?
संता: मेरे ससुराल वालों ने बारात में कम लोगो को लाने के लिये कहा है! पता नहीं मुझे लेकर जाएँगे भी या नहीं!

Santa enters a store that sell curtains. 

He tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains." 

The salesman assured him that they had a large selection of pink curtains. He showed him several patterns, but Santa seemed to be having a hard time choosing. 

Finally, he selects a lovely pink floral print. 

The salesman asked what size curtains he needed. 

Santa replies, "Fifteen inches." 

"Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?" 

Santa tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for his computer monitor. 

The surprised salesman replies, "But, sir, computers do not have curtains!" 

Santa says, "Hellllooooooooo........I've got Windows!"

Santa and Banta fly to the south sea islands to study the natives. They go to two adjacent islands and set to work. A few months later Santa takes a boat over to the other island to see how Banta is doing. When he gets there, he finds Banta standing among a group of natives. 

"Greetings! How is it going?" says Santa. 

"Wonderful!" says Banta, "I have discovered an important fact about the local language! Watch!" 

He points at a palm tree and says, "What is that?" 

The natives, in unison, say, "Umbalo-gong!" 

He then points at a rock and says, "And that?" 

The natives again intone, "Umbalo-gong!" 

"You see!", says the beaming Banta, "They use the SAME word for 'rock' and for 'palm tree'!" 

"That is truly amazing!" says the astonished Santa, "On the other island, the same word means 'index finger'!"

A man was brought in to the hospital intensive care ward, put in a bed, tubes coming out everywhere. A week later, another man was admitted, in a similar condition. 

Both lay there, machines pinging, tubes poking etc. a couple more weeks before one of them had the strength to raise his hand and point to himself and say, "Bengali." 

The other patient signaled he had heard, raised his own hand, and said, "Punjabi." 

This act tired them out so badly it was a week before the first summoned up the strength to say, "Calcutta." 

Other replied in a weedy frail voice, "Ludhiana." 

Once more, the strain was too much for them both and they passed out. Days passed before the first patient managed to again point to himself and say, "Asit." 

Replied the other, "Santa." 

A few hours later, Asit managed to point to himself again and rasp out weakly, "Cancer." 

Santa responded, "Sagittarius."