Exam Jokes - Its time to relax :-)

Roses are red,Violets are blue,
I copied your exam paper, And I failed too.

EXAMINER: Never mind what the date is, get on with the exam.
PUPIL: But, sir, I want to get something right.

TEACHER: Why do you always fail your exams?
PUPIL: Because I always get the wrong exam paper.

EXAM QUESTION: Where are the Andes?
PUPIL'S ANSWER: On the end of my armies.

EXAMINER: I told you not to look in your bag. You could have the answers.
PUPIL: I'm not, sir. I'm looking in Jim's bag. He's got the answers.

FATHER: How did you get on with your maths test today?
SON: I only got one sum wrong.
FATHER: Well done. How many sums were there?
SON: Twelve.
FATHER: So you got eleven right?
SON: No, they were the ones I couldn't do.

EXAM QUESTION: Where is Felixstowe?
PUPIL'S ANSWER: On the end of Felix's foot.

EXAM QUESTION: In Great Britain, where are kings and queens usually crowned?
PUPIL'S ANSWER: On the head.

EXAM QUESTION: What did James I do on coming to the throne?
PUPIL'S ANSWER: He sat on it.

EXAM QUESTION: What are the chief minerals to be found in Cornwall?
PUPIL'S ANSWER: Coca Cola and orangeade.

FATHER: How did your exams go?
SON: Great, Dad. I nearly got ten in every subject.
FATHER: What do you mean nearly ten?
SON: Well, I got the nought.

Fred was saying his prayers. God bless my mum and dad and please make Montreal the capital of Canada.
Why did you say that, Fred? asked his mother.
Because that's what I wrote in my exam, explained Fred.

DAD: Well, Son, did you pass your exams?
SON: No, Dad, but I did come top of those that failed.

EXAM QUESTION: Why was the period between 500 AD and 900 AD known as the Dark Ages?
PUPIL'S ANSWER: Because those were the days of the knights.

After an exam the teacher said to a boy, Why have you written by some of your questions, "See Simon Taylor's paper?"
The boy replied, Well, sir, you said we weren't to copy each other's work.

EXAM QUESTION: What was the Romans' greatest feat?
PUPIL'S ANSWER: Learning Latin.

EXAMINER: You will be allowed half an hour for each question.
PUPIL: How long can we have for the answer, sir?

MOTHER: Your history exam marks aren't very good.
SON: It isn't my fault. My teacher keeps asking me questions about things that happened before I was born.

FATHER: Well, Son, did you get a good place in the exams?
SON: Yes, Dad, right by the radiator!

FATHER: Why are your exam marks so low?
SON: Because I sit at the desk at the back, Dad.
FATHER: What difference does that make?
SON: Well, there are so many of us in the class that when it's my turn for marks there aren't any left.

What exams does Santa Claus take?
Ho, ho, ho levels.

Why is an optician like an examiner?
They both test pupils.

MUSIC EXAMINER: Is there anything special you'd like to play?
PUPIL: Yes, miss, truant!

The exam question was to write an essay on water.
One child wrote, `Water is a colourless liquid that turns dark when you wash in it.'

FATHER: How are your exam marks, son?
SON: They're underwater.
FATHER: What do you mean?
SON: Below C level.

EXAMINER: Can you explain to me how you've got exactly the same answers as Fred in the maths test?
PUPIL: We used the same pencil, sir.

FATHER: This report is terrible, Fred. It says that in your exams you came bottom in a class of twenty.
FRED: It could be worse Dad; there could be more people in the class.

What's black and white and extremely difficult?
An exam paper.

EXAM QUESTION: Who were the Peelers?
PUPIL'S ANSWER: The followers of William of Orange.

MOTHER: Why are your exam marks so poor this term?
PUPIL: It's the teacher's fault, Mum.
MOTHER: But you had the same teacher last term and you did well in your exams then.
PUPIL: Yes, but I'm not sitting by the brainiest girl in the class now. The teacher's moved her.

What's your Fred going to be when he's passed his exams?
The way he's going, a pensioner, I should think!

What exams do farmers take?
Hay levels.

Who got the best marks in the animal exam?
The cheetah.

EXAM QUESTION: Write, as precisely as possible, all you know about the great English watercolour painters of the eighteenth century.
PUPIL'S ANSWER: They're all dead.

EXAM QUESTION: When was Napoleon born?
PUPIL'S ANSWER: On his birthday.

EXAM QUESTION: What's the difference between unlawful and illegal?
PUPIL'S ANSWER: Unlawful is against the law, and illegal is a sick bird.

MUM: How did your music exam go?
SON: The music teacher said my playing was out of this world.
MUM: Really?
SON: Well she said it was unearthly.

EXAMINER: Did you make up this poem yourself?
PUPIL: Yes, sir, every word.
EXAMINER:Well, pleased to meet you, William Shakespeare!

EXAM QUESTION: What happens to gold when it is exposed to air?
PUPIL'S ANSWER: It's stolen.

THE TEST PRAYER
Now I lay me down to rest,
I pray to pass tomorrow's test.
If I should die before I wake,
That's one less test I'll have to take.

TEACHER: You got a perfect zero on your exam. How do you do it?
PUPIL: It was luck. I guessed at some of the answers.

TEACHER: What was the pen name of Samuel Clemens?
PUPIL: Was it "Bic"?

TEACHER: When did Napoleon die?
PUPIL: Die? I didn't even know he was sick.

TEACHER: Can you tell me how long pot roast should be cooked?
PUPIL: The same as short pot roast.

FATHER: Aren't you first in anything at school?
SON: Sure, Dad. I'm first out when the bell rings!

MOTHER: Why have your grades been so low since the holidays?
SON: Well, Mother, you know how everything gets marked down after Christmas.

TEACHER: Do you know why you have such poor grades?
PUPIL: I can't think.
TEACHER: Exactly!

Did you hear about the little kid who copied from his friend's arithmetic test paper by using a mirror? He got all his answers backwards.
His friend got a grade of 93 and he got 39.

SECOND GRADER: I really liked being in your class, Miss Jones. I'm sorry you're not smart enough to teach us next year.

Our teacher says that he gives us tests to find out how much we know.
Then all the questions are about things we don't know

Our teacher gives us a test every Friday.
The only good thing about it is that it's followed by Saturday and Sunday.

I didn't know anything before I started going to school.
I still don't know anything, but now they test me on it.

Our teacher said, Write your name and today's date on the top of your exam paper. Do it carefully. For many of you it will be the only thing you get right on the entire page.

TEACHER: I've given you a multiple choice exam. What more do you want?
FRED: More choices.

FRED: I bite my fingernails before easy exams.
HARRY: What do you do when you're taking a hard exam?
FRED: Then I bite other people's fingernails.

FRED: Teacher, I get so nervous before an exam that I even forget my own name.
TEACHER: Well, whoever's name you put on this test is flunking the course.

Our teacher told us we should do something to help us relax right before taking an exam so I took a two week vacation.

FRED: We had a test on the Revolutionary War that was so hard that George Washington would have flunked it.
HARRY: We had a test last week that was so hard even the teacher flunked it.

To me, taking a test is just like going to the dentist,
except after the test you don't get a chance to rinse.

I used to hate tests. Then my teacher said to just treat them as a game.
Now I hate games, too.

We had a test yesterday that was so tough,
the school nurse had to be present before we could begin.

There's only one thing I hate more than taking tests in school.
And that's the grade I get after taking tests in school.

FRED: Mom, I don't want to go to school today.
MOM: Why? Have you got a stomachache?
FRED: No.
MOM: Have you got a sore throat?
FRED: No.
MOM: Have you got a headache?
FRED: No.
MOM: What have you got?
FRED: A test in History.

My Dad always says "What you don't know won't hurt you."
It sure hurt me in the math test I took last week.

TEACHER: Name two cities in Kentucky.
FRED: Okay, I'll name one Fred, and the other Harry.

I got a minus 30 on one exam. I not only got the wrong answers,
but I misspelled three of them.

FRED: Teacher, does neatness count on that test we just took?
TEACHER: Yes, it does.
FRED: Then I should get a high mark because I didn't write anything on the paper.

FRED: Teacher, how did I do on yesterday's spelling test?
TEACHER: Let's put it this way; do you know how to spell "F"?

I got a 60 on my Map Skills test.
That's not bad for a kid who wasn't allowed to cross the street until just a few years ago.

DAD: I don't understand your poor History grades. I always did well in History when I was a kid.
FRED: Dad, there's a lot more History now than when you were a kid.

HARRY: I'd rather jump off a ten story building than take this Science test.
FRED: I didn't know we had a choice.

TEACHER: How many planets are in the sky?
PUPIL: I think all of them.

TEACHER: Where do we find the Suez Canal?
FRED: It should be written right here on my sleeve with the rest of the answers.

TEACHER: How long did Thomas Edison live?
PUPIL: All his life.

TEACHER: When did George Washington die?
PUPIL: It was just a few days before they buried him.