Hi everyone.... Im back again wif few more dilemmas and disturbances....
My 1st audit was like a rough landing of an aeroplane... It wasnt peaceful. Tension, pressure and what not. And to add to that fact, i had no team leader nor a team fr almost a month. I dint kno what to do, how to do, where to start with. No help, nothing. I had to juz follow as per the instructions given to me OVER PHONE (mind you, they never came to me fr my help or to close the audit early)..... So i started dng things as per my knowledge... Slow, but progressed... Now, after a month, ppl come and ask me their doubts and clarifications, i fail to answer a few, coz i might have not done that area or i didnt kno how to tackle it. So since i dont know, i juz say I DONT KNOW SIR.... I tell them what i kno, and i dont what i dunno.... I juz cannot bluff...!!
Now, for the 3rd quarter, the team has been changed but not me becoz the ppl felt that since i had audited the previous quarter, i would know about the things and its whereabouts better than anyone else. But i proved them wrong this time too coz i honestly havent covered EVERYTHING last time. I alone couldnt handle things. This again created an impression that I DONT KNOW ANYTHING AND I DONT WORK AND THAT IM USELESS.... They dun say it, but i can see it....!!
I have done very minor things... Everybody expect that im supposed to know every damn thing in the world... How can I ?
Im still a fresher... I dont know things.... When they leave me venture out on my own, its not necessary that i must cover everything.... I was provided with no checklists, nor a scope.... NOTHING...!!
Now, at any point of time, during any discussions, when my topic comes, ppl say THERE IS ONLY ONE THING THAT COMES OUT OF SANJANA'S MOUTH i.e., I DONT KNOW.....
It is so insulting and so depressing...!!
I feel like crying..!! I know, i agree im an average student but i dont skip work...!! I want to learn new things...!!
But their comments are decelerating my hopes n aspirations ...!!
Now, im removed from the team. Their say was that they juz wanna rotate so that there is no monotonousness fr me... coz i ve been doing since 4 months...!!
Is dat really their intention to set me free to learn new things OR they have removed me coz of im useless and brainless ?
This single question eats my peace at home also...!!
I feel so guilty coz i had lost an opportunity to learn n to prove myself or better to say i had spoilt the given opportunity...!!
I SO REGRET...!!
WHAT DO I DO ?
AM I RLY USELESS ?
PLZ HELP ME,,,, ENCOURAGE ME, SCOLD ME.... but bring me outta this depression...!!