Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
"One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures." -George W. Bush
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button
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