" Frustrating "

Everything looks fuzzy.

Sometimes people you get attached to/ or have to have as a part of the formal system you are in can be so frustrating.

And its even more frustrating when these people are people you have chosen to be with.

Like my partner has no sense of what to say in front of people. I have in times of confusion and frustration expressed my anguish over certain issues and people. And he makes it a point to inform the same when I least expect it.

And even after my saying I will not do it again or tell him things again, I invariable have and they have come back to me bang!!

I begin to wonder am I daft or is he daft? Or may be I am daft as he seems to enjoy it irrespective of knowing how I feel.

I question my judgement of being with this man? I question why do I express with him? But the basic premise of my being with him was that I can be completely comfortable and not guarded. And here I have to be so so careful and alert and on my toes of what to say as I don’t know when he would drop what bomb.

I question the sanity of this whole affair called marriage on a daily basis I think?

I don’t understand why single women are in such hurry and desire to get caught and lost in this mess except for the sole purpose of loneliness and some stability and dependence? I am somehow more insecure now than ever before. I have no real peace of mind.

I got in thinking I would get my freedom from questioning of this world. It has not worked like that. It would have been better had I moved cities. I have to deal with him and I am boiling in my system most times, if not visiblily.

I am now an extension of him. I need to have him attached to me especially for my parents. Suddenly I cant travel with my parents only. I need to have him along. I have to deal with his parents and its polite conversations most times.

I feel claustrophobic in this whole f**king set up. I have not been able to get to work since this whole damn thing happened.

Just a bad day