Controlling Short-Term Anger
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1Take a break as soon as you recognize that you're angry. Stop what you're doing, get away from whatever is irritating you, and take a breather. Getting away from whatever's upsetting you will make it infinitely easier to calm down. Try it out in these situations:
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If you're experiencing road rage, pull over on a side road and turn off the car.
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If you're angry at work, go to the break room or step outside for a moment. If you drive to work, consider sitting in your car so that you're in a space you own.
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If you're upset at home, go to a single-occupancy space (such as the bathroom) or for a walk.
- If you're experiencing anger in an unfamiliar place, don't just wander off by yourself. Tell whoever you're with that you need a short mental vacation, and ask that he or she stand a few extra paces away from you. Close your eyes and try to imagine yourself somewhere peaceful.
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2.Breathe deeply. If your heart hammers with rage, slow it down by controlling your breathing. Count to three as you inhale, hold the breath in your lungs for three more seconds, and count to three again as you exhale. Focus only on the numbers as you do this, and refuse to think about whatever is angering you. Repeat as many times as necessary.
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3Go to a "happy place". If you're still having a difficult time calming down, imagine yourself in a scene you find incredibly relaxing. It could be your childhood backyard, a quiet forest, a solitary island - whatever locale makes you feel at-home and peaceful. Focus on imagining every detail of this place: the light, the noises, the temperature, the weather, the smells. Keep dwelling on your happy place until you feel completely immersed in it, and hang out there for a few minutes or until you feel calm.
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4Practice positive self-talk. When you're ready, "discuss" the situation with yourself in positive and relieving terms. For example, if you experience road rage, you could try: "That guy almost sideswiped me, but maybe he was experiencing an emergency and I'll probably never have to see him again. I feel lucky that I'm alive and my car is unscratched. I'm fortunate that I can still drive. I can continue to be calm and focused when I get back on the road."
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If you find a form of positive self-talk that really works for you, make it a mantra. Repeat it to yourself as many times as you need to in order to return to the right frame of mind.
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If you find a form of positive self-talk that really works for you, make it a mantra. Repeat it to yourself as many times as you need to in order to return to the right frame of mind.
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5Ask for the support of someone you trust. If you're still upset, sharing your concerns with a close friend or confidant might help.
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Clearly express what you want from the other person. If you just want a sounding board, state at the beginning that you don't want help or advice, just sympathy. If you're looking for a solution, let the other person know.
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Set a time limit. Give yourself a set amount of time to vent about what's upsetting you, and stick to it - when time is up, your rant is over. This will help you move on instead of dwelling on the situation endlessly.
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Clearly express what you want from the other person. If you just want a sounding board, state at the beginning that you don't want help or advice, just sympathy. If you're looking for a solution, let the other person know.
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6Try to see some humor in what angered you. After you've calmed down and established that you're ready to get over the incident, try to see the lighter side. Casting the incident in a humorous light can help you maintain positivity and avoid getting angry over the same thing next time.
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