Myself Parul Goyal
I passed out 12th standard in 2014 with an aggregate of 96.2% (cbse) and a cgpa of 10 in class 10th. I cleared my cpt in june 2014 with a score of 163.
Life was good.
I joined Sri Venkateshwara college, University of delhi. Couldn't make any friends there. Life started turning depressing.It is the dream of every student to reach srcc. so was mine. I didn't like a single day at college.Not getting into srcc actually affected me very badly. I couldn't think beyond that. The teachers didn't teach good in venky. Expectations were too high actually. I had lost interest in studies.
Worse was still to happen. My Dad got jailed. He got trapped in a criminal case, though he was totally innocent in that case. Those 15 days of my life were the most depressing days. Too frustrated with college, i left it without thinking much and joined the coaching classes for ipcc in december 2014. I loved the accounts classes (Praveen Jindal sir). i started studying again. I was the most enthusiastic student in the class who answered rapidly. After leaving the college, i realised its importance and thought of rejining. i knew i had wasted a year but i was okay with it. So were my parents, just on my face though.
I filled up examination form for november 2015 just to realise later on that i wasn't prepared at all. it was hard to convince my parents for allowing me not to appear for the exams. They were okay after some time. I was totally determined for a rank in may 16 exams and filled the form again. And now, here I am, fighting with the internal self. I know I'm not prepared. The people who know me, they are pretty sure that i can crack easily. I'm just underconfident, but I know the reality.
Again, I feel determined to appear for Nov 16 rather and secure a rank then. But now I feel like killing myself. This was what i had thought in nov 15 as well, and here I'm. A loser again. Don't understand what to do. I know I'm not dumb, neither i do waste my time with my friends. Actually, i dont even have friends. I'm an introvert kind of person but it seems like I've lost my path. I am unable to study. I keep sleeping for hours, crying inside. I can't hurt my parents again - neither by not appearing, nor by failing the exams. I feel myself to be a useless person.
PS - I was molested by an uncle of mine in january 16. I don't know if that has affected me and my attitude towards life.
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