How to Argue Effectively & Win

It can be difficult for people to get their point across without hurting one another in the process. Here are some tips for effectively resolving a problem by stating your views, while being collected and reasonable. Also included are tips on winning an argument.

Stay calm & Keep a steady low tone. The energy you give off is usually picked up on by the other person; if you are calm they sense you mean no harm and relax more. Even if you get emotional, try to keep your dignity and don’t lash out unexpectedly. Also consider your tone of voice; try to keep a steady, low tone and volume, not fluctuating to much in speed and sound. Try to sound as relaxed as possible and avoid high-pitched sounds. Also consider your body language: have a good firm posture that makes your feel powerful but not agressive.

Don’t insult the other person. Avoid to, in any way, say something that might be taken as an insult. When people are angry they are much more sensitive and will take even the smallest comment as an insult.

Express that you are willing to listen to the other person and respect them. Even though you might not agree with what the other person is saying you need to remember that they might feel just as strongly about their views as you do about yours.

Be reasonable. The outcome of the argument might not be exactly what you wanted, but never expect to get everything you want.

Don’t let it last too long, the argument degrades if it’s held out.

Allow each person to speak and make their point.

Set healthy boundaries. If the person with whom you are arguing is angry, obnoxious or verbally abusive, should you really be interacting with them? It may be better to walk away.

If the argument is with a clerk, salesperson, etc. ask to speak with their supervisor. If a supervisor isn’t immediately available, get a phone number.

Winning an Argument -

• Think about the possible arguments for and against your side, and the opposite side. If there is any major weakness in your argument, you must fill it before coming to a confrontation with the opposition, or risk losing the argument.

• Identify any major pitfalls your opponent can step into. A gentle nudge here and there to get them to make some sort of fallacious statement that allows you to close the bear trap is psychologically damaging and can win an argument on the spot. Also try to take each argument to its logical conclusion.

• Always take full advantage of any illogicality or fallacy in your opponent’s argument. Return any illogical points with as many relevant logical facts as possible, to completely quash their point. If this is not possible, take their point and use it in your favor logically.

• It’s always possible to lose an argument, especially if your argument has major weaknesses. Accept it if thats the case. However, arguments do sometimes come to standoffs, where no side is stronger than the other and nobody wins or loses. when this happens, learn to leave the argument as nothing can be gained by continuing to confront your opponent. When this happens, don’t lose control or get desperate.

How to Start a Conversation with New People

Whether you are a host or a guest, there are many social situations that will call for interaction, even when you are stumped for some way to get it going. For example, you might want to help a friend’s new “significant other” feel comfortable. Or, you might see a stranger across a crowded room, and realize that this is your only chance to impress Mr. or Ms. Wonderful. Then, you realize that you’re not sure what to say.

1. Start with a “hello,” and simply tell the new person your name then ask them theirs. Offer your hand to shake, upon his/her responding to you. (If you go to other countries, greet the person in tune with the particular culture). If you already know the person, skip this step and proceed to step.
2. Look around. See if there is anything worth pointing out. Sure, talking about the weather is a cliche, but if there’s something unusual about it–bam!–you’ve got a great topic of conversation.
3. Offer a compliment. Don’t lie and say you love someone’s hair when you think it’s revolting, but if you like his or her shoes, or a handbag, say so. A sincere compliment is a wonderful way to get someone to warm up to you. But be careful not to say something so personal that you scare the person off or make him or her feel uncomfortable. It is best not to compliment a person’s looks or body.
4. Ask questions! Most people love to talk about themselves — get them going. “What classes are you taking this year?” “Have you seen (Insert-Something-Here)? What did you think of it?” Again, keep the questions light and not invasive. Do not ask too many questions if he or she is not responsive to them.
5. Jump on any conversation-starters he or she might offer; take something he or she has said and run with it. Agree, disagree, ask a question about it, or offer an opinion, just don’t let it go by without notice.
6. Look your newfound friend in the eye, it engenders trust (but don’t stare). Also, use the person’s name a time or two during the conversation; it will help you remember the name, and will draw the person’s attention to what you are talking about.
7. Don’t forget to smile and have fun with your conversation!

Tips

• Just relax. Chances are that whatever small-talk you’re making isn’t going to stick out in anyone’s mind a few months from now. Just say whatever comes into your head, so long as it’s not offensive or really weird. (Unless, of course, the person you’re attempting to converse with is into weird stuff.)
• Remember, if you think of something in your head while you’re talking, it’s probably related.
• It will help if you watch some TV, listen to radio shows, and/or read a lot — newspapers, magazines, and/or books. You need to have some idea of what is going on in the world. Also remember and plan to share anything you like, think is funny, or find intriguing. This is building up your own library of things that might be helpful to another person during a conversation someday. It will be amazing how you thread these interesting things when you least expect it, and make conversation an adventure instead of a dreadful task. If you take it to the next step and say things that you want the person to think of as adding value, and keep to yourself things that the person might not, you are actually honing your own personality to be appealing to the other person, and what is a greater act of kindness than that.
• If you are shy, it will be helpful to have thought about a topic or two that you could talk about.
• Follow the lead that your listener is expressing. If he or she appears interested, then continue. If he or she is looking at a clock or watch, or worse, looking for an escape strategy, then you have been going on for too long.
• Interesting and funny quotes or facts can lighten things up, and make way for things to talk about. You could also use a set of conversation starter question cards for inspiration.
• If talking over the phone, keep the person involved in the conversation at all costs. If you can’t come up with a good topic, try the “questions” game. Just keep asking them questions; random questions work just fine as long as they are appropriate. This technique can save a phone conversation. The questions should be open ended questions that do not require a yes or no answer. For example “How do you know the hosts?” This way you can ask questions about what they just said or follow up with how you know the hosts (for example) instead of acting as if the conversation is an interrogation.
• Half of an effective conversation is the way you non-verbally communicate, and not necessarily what you say. Practice better non-verbal skills that are friendly and confident.
• Read newspapers and magazines to increase your knowledge so you can have more interesting things to talk about

How to Speak Well and Confidently

Are you very shy when it comes to new surroundings, such as starting a new class or moving to a new area? Sometimes, it is necessary to overcome your shyness and speak confidently. By doing this, it can help you not only to share your ideas properly to others, but also to learn communicating with others. Here are a few steps to consider when speaking with confidence.

Steps

1. Learn how to have conversations with people. Your ideas or opinions may not always be accepted by others, but this is nothing unusual. Open your mouth, express your beliefs! This will improve your courage.
2. Don’t be afraid and speak loudly. If you speak in a low voice, not only will others not be able to hear what you say, but you will also portray a submissive demeanor, which suggests the opposite of a confident one.
3. Make eye contact when you speak. For one thing, it is polite for others. Also, eye contact will help others to listen to your thinking carefully.
4. Praise yourself everyday! This will promote your own confidence, which is important when you speak. With more confidence, people will take your thinking more seriously.

Tips

• Don’t be nervous when you make mistakes. Human error is far from being a new concept — nobody is perfect! It is normal for everyone to make mistakes. Just calm down and keep speaking bravely.
• Try and try again! This may be difficult for a shy person at first, but you need to force yourself to speak, and not seclude your thoughts. If you have some ideas, then try to speak out! Don’t just keep them in your head.
• If you have self confidence issues, try to think that you are the only one who has sound knowledge about the topic. Then go ahead and impart your knowledge to the audience in an effective way.
• Remember that there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Don’t portray an exaggerated amount of confidence, or you will come off as arrogant, believing that your ideas are better than the ideas of everyone else.

Overcoming Fear of Public Speaking

If you have the fear of public speaking, you are not alone. You must first recognize what “fear” is. Fear is the anticipation of pain. Is your fear real or imagined?

Here are some great insights into Overcoming Fear of Public Speaking.

Steps to Overcome Fear of Public Speaking - 

1. Fears – The fear of being judged, making a mistake, not measuring up, getting hurt either mentally or physically can get in the way of a good performance (speech, seminar, sales presentation, etc). Remember that people in the audience really want you to succeed. Nobody is standing there hoping you’ll be boring or bad. If you are coming from an authentic place, and you cover the material with clarity, you’ve won 3/4 of your inner battle with fear.
2. Learn how to enroll and engage your audience - If you haven’t yet taken a professional development course on public speaking, consider finding a public speaking training course appropriate for your needs. Learning the art of public speaking can enhance your results in a boardroom, in a sales presentation, and even accelerate your climb up the corporate ladder. It is a must-skill for any executive and/or business owner.
3. Practice - Find business organizations, networks and clubs in your area (such as Toastmasters) that can afford you the opportunity to practice. Remember to choose topics that you are already an expert on. Speaking on a topic that you are not familiar with will increase your stress, and impede on your performance.
4. Use recording software - Record everything on your PC/laptop. Review it to see where you can improve. Have speaking pros attend your live presentation to give you feedback. Allow yourself the opportunity to learn more every time you go out.
5. Remember, even the top professionals learn something new every single time they go out!

Tips on Public Speaking

Here are some important public speaking tips to help you develop your skills and become far more effective as a public speaker.

• Ensure your speech will be captivating to your audience as well as worth their time and attention. Videotape your presentation and analyze it. Emphasize your strong points during your presentation.
• Present the desired image to your audience. Be solemn if your topic is serious. Appear relaxed, even if you feel nervous. Remember, you don’t look as nervous as you feel.
• Establish rapport with your audience. If a microphone is available, adjust and adapt your voice accordingly.
• Maintain sincere eye contact with your audience. If what you have prepared is obviously not getting across to your audience, change your strategy mid-stream if you are well prepared to do so.
• Allow yourself and your audience a little time to reflect and think.
• Check out the location ahead of time to ensure seating arrangements for audience, whiteboard, blackboard, lighting, location of projection screen, sound system, etc. are suitable for your presentation.
• Tell audience ahead of time that you will be giving out an outline of your presentation so that they will not waste time taking unnecessary notes during your presentation.
• Humour : Tell jokes if you’re good at telling jokes. If you aren’t good, it is best to leave the jokes behind. There’s nothing worse than a punch line that has no punch.
• Tell stories : Stories make you a real person not just a deliverer of information. Use personal experiences to bring your material to life. No matter how dry your material is, you can always find a way to humanise it. Keep audience interested throughout your entire presentation. Remember that an interesting speech makes time fly, but a boring speech is always too long to endure even if the presentation time is the same.
• Using Public Speaking Environment – Try not to get stuck in one place. Use all the space that’s available to you. If your space is confined (say a meeting room or even presenting at a table) use stronger body language to convey your message.
• Mistakes – Mistakes are all right. Recovering from mistakes makes you appear more human. Good recovery puts your audience at ease – they identify with you more.

Public Speaking Techniques

I have listed the following public speaking techniques, that should help you overcome fear and anxiety. It would help you deliver a speech without feeling nervous. I have found great success in these techniques!

1. Smile. This will help you ease your mind and make you feel comfortable in your surroundings.
2. Take deep breaths. This is an oft repeated tip but it always helps you start. Avoid taking deep breaths in between, as it might sound weird.
3. Tell yourself there is nothing to worry about. The words to live by are, “Don’t worry, be happy”. What is the worst that is going to happen after all?
4. Loosen your muscles and relax. Being stiff on stage will make everyone think you are nervous.
5. Have a good sense of humor. If you mess up, have a good joke to back it up, makes you seem like you are under control.
6. Keep an OPEN mind. This relaxes you and just makes you feel better.
7. Practice. This isn’t for everyone, but it helps most people. If your speech is well rehearsed it will be fine. Also try to deliver as many public speeches as you can (for eg. at Toastmasters), it will surely help you gain confidence!
8. Feel free to move around. (this one is more for a classroom, not a business setting for the most part) When you move, it makes you seem like you are happy, but don’t be robotic with the movements.
9. Keep good eye contact, this might not help you, but it will help the audience like you. If you have trouble with this, pretend that someone did something funny.
10. Try to include the audience. Many times people think you can’t include the audience, but you can. This makes you seem like your not the only one talking, because you aren’t.

Benefits of Public Speaking

The Personal and Practical benefits of using a few simple concepts to overcome your public speaking fears to easily deliver effective presentations include -

Personal Benefits -

• Increased Self Confidence
• The Ability to communicate and articulate your thoughts and ideas
• Effectively Persuade Others
• Words can hurt, heal, create, build, transform
• New Opportunities
• Ability to Lead
• Have a Rare and Valued Skill
• Have Fun
• Improve Your Quality of Life

Practical Benefits –

• Career Advancement
• Receive Recognition
• Get the Credit that You Deserve
• Entertain Your Audience
• Captivate Your Audience
• Learn to speak Concisely, Clearly and Confidently
• Speaking out in important situations, as Parent, Citizen, Customer

Overcoming Fear of Public Speaking

If you have the fear of public speaking, you are not alone. You must first recognize what “fear” is. Fear is the anticipation of pain. Is your fear real or imagined?

Here are some great insights into Overcoming Fear of Public Speaking.

Steps to Overcome Fear of Public Speaking - 

1. Fears – The fear of being judged, making a mistake, not measuring up, getting hurt either mentally or physically can get in the way of a good performance (speech, seminar, sales presentation, etc). Remember that people in the audience really want you to succeed. Nobody is standing there hoping you’ll be boring or bad. If you are coming from an authentic place, and you cover the material with clarity, you’ve won 3/4 of your inner battle with fear.
2. Learn how to enroll and engage your audience - If you haven’t yet taken a professional development course on public speaking, consider finding a public speaking training course appropriate for your needs. Learning the art of public speaking can enhance your results in a boardroom, in a sales presentation, and even accelerate your climb up the corporate ladder. It is a must-skill for any executive and/or business owner.
3. Practice - Find business organizations, networks and clubs in your area (such as Toastmasters) that can afford you the opportunity to practice. Remember to choose topics that you are already an expert on. Speaking on a topic that you are not familiar with will increase your stress, and impede on your performance.
4. Use recording software - Record everything on your PC/laptop. Review it to see where you can improve. Have speaking pros attend your live presentation to give you feedback. Allow yourself the opportunity to learn more every time you go out.
5. Remember, even the top professionals learn something new every single time they go out!

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