Show me the way

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Guest

Hi everyone,

My name is Deepika. I am 26 years old. Yet again i am using this platform to seek some answers from total strangers. However, i am of the belief that sometimes complete strangers understand you better than your own friends and family. There are parts of what i am about to write that might make you feel uncomfortable and might make u think that i should maybe turn to a friend or family for guidance but trust me i have tried. It dint work.

The reason i am posting my problems on caclubindia and not on some self-help, motivational site is because i am a ca final student and i know that many ca students know and would relate to the fact that the difficulty or vastness of our course is not the only problem we ca students face. There are many external factors at play that make it sometimes impossible for us to reach our potential. I know that we are always told to be head strong, to avoid all distractions and to maintain focus at all times and its true, no excuses there, but just sometimes external issues reach such a tipping point that one has to stop and think- 'how should i proceed?'

So, in order to find an answer to the above question, i am listing my problems as follows:

1) I am suffering from severe hormonal imbalance due to acute stress and some of it is hereditary. I have been taking medicines for the same since the last 10 years. At one point i came very close to surgery. Contrary to what you all might think, i exercise regularly and eat healthy as much as possible. The problem has reduced but hasnt completely gone off the table. This problem has negatively aatacked my concentration power and my memory. I used to be a topper in school and now i am pretty much failing in everything even remotely related to studies.

2) When i entered this profession i was very confident i would make it since i was extremely hard working. But with my health taking a downward spiral, everything fell apart. I gave couple of attempts. By the 3rd attempt i was well prepared but due to acute stress i failed. In the 4th attempt i had an accident. In the 5th attempt my grandfather (the biggest support system for me even more important to me than my parents) passed away suddenly owing to dengue. In 3 days he was no more. May 2014 is going to be my 6th attempt. My biggest mistake in ca final was that i did not ask for guidance. I went along not knowin anything. My planning failed miserbly.

3) The third and probably the most impactful reason was my father's extra marital affair about which i got to know right before my first attempt at pcc. I was so shocked because my father was the 2nd person i looked upto after my grandfather. Ideal son, Ideal father, Ideal employee but maybe not an ideal husband. My sister and i have known about this for the last 6 years. Our mom doesnt know, And she cannot know because i am sure she would commit suicide. The affair is still going on. My father has been lying to us, giving us assurances that hes out of it but hes still with this other woman. It has shaken my belief in everything. My sister and i are also not keeping on such good terms. We have constant cold wars. Its like this once perfect family of mine has just fallen apart. Everyday my sister and i have to pretend infront of the rest of the family and my mom that everything is great. For many years that lady used to frequent our house. It was so excruciating but we couldnt say a word,

4) I have lost most of my friends. Half of the remaining are not real enough. I have no job or prior work experience. When i look back the only time i am reminded of are my school days where each and every teacher of mine includin myself thought that i was destined to make it big and when i look at my present self i get a horrible reality check.

I am not looking for sympathy but there were times when i really needed someone to hold my hand and tell me that 'this too shall pass' or 'you have it in you to get out of this rutt' but nobody did. I have always been very independent in life. I prided myself on that. But as it turns out i am not equipped to deal with this anymore. My dream is to become a ca. I joined cs, reached the final stage but its also stuck. Academics were the thing i turned to for getting away from any problems i faced in life but somehow they are not offering me any respite. Each day is a challenge and i am tired now. My house seems barren where most of the times people are not talking to each other. I want to clear and get out but sometimes i get such devastating visions of the lies and deceit that it becomes difficult to concentrate. But somewhere there is still hope that i would find a way, that there is still light at the end of the tunnel...am i right or i am terribly mistaken?? How should i proceed....please show me the way....

Replies (5)

CA SURENDRA KUMAR RAKHECHA

Practising CA at Surat

26263 Points Joined November 2009

First of all; I appreciate that you dare to share your family problems at this site.

It is a matter of pride for caclubindia where more FAITH is shown

on "other unknown friends"

than "known friends, family and reliatives."

I also feel proud to be a part of caclubindia.

Hence whatever you have written is TRUE

which I am experiencing here since last 4.5 years.

Tears of joy flow when I see how members celebrate my birthday here.

This is despite no "real taste" of a cake. Still it is never felt as a "fake."

Last year one such case happen between two doctors (A & B), husband and wife (age around 50s).

Wife (B) took divorce but got "engaged" with another "past" college friend (C) and thus ruined the settled life of the doctor's wife (D).

Things went too bad. Me and CA Paras Bafna discussed the matter in legth.

Before the matter got into "depth" doctor C had sympathy for doctor B hence matter was discussed how fair distribution of assets be taken between A and B.

Due to regular conversation between B and C; the matter "flourished" to "extra affair."

For more than one year the whole family of the doctor got disturbed.

After one year struggle;

Dr. C realized his mistake and came back to home.

Coming to your case; fortunately you have support of your grandfather AND you have one sister also.

(in many such cases; no other member is found in the family with whom one can discuss-

it is always better to argue than to keep mum with family members).

I feel very sad that our joint family culture has almost shattered.

This is happening due to "good career with higher studies" forgetting family values.

When I visited Shaadi.com etc. I surprised to note that "NEVER MARRIED" words are found in profile.

It means our society has accepted that DIVORCE is now common.

Fortunately; this is not the case with your family.

You should SUPPORT more to your MOM than to keep MUM. (more to share later if you respond positively).

NO PROBLEM IS BIG IN THIS WORLD. It may seem big for the time being.

LORD KRISHNA IN GITA : NOTHING IS PERMANENT IN THIS WORLD.

Guest

Thankyou for responding sir. Much appreciated, Sadly, my grandfather is no more and i feel more scared than ever now. Had he been there i would have had the relief that my father would not defy him. But now i am not so sure. Yes, divorce is not an option and even discussing something like this is forbidden in my family. That might be good in a way but its also quite sad since my sister and i have to stay quiet for the sake of our family members. Our dad loves us a lot but i feel he has taken undue advantage of the fact that we cant tell anyone. Its funny how normal we pretend to be infront of the world whereas we are marred by serious ssues with no solution. My sister and i are of very different natures. However we have tried to keep ur personal differences aside for te sake of our mother. Plus i am alsready 26. My career hasnt even started. Since my mom is oblivious of all the problems she doesnt understand what is going on with me. Dont blame her but i really need to make a career, She pesters for marriage but i cant get married right now. She takes it as stubborness and carelessness coz she doesnt know what issue i am facing. Nobody knows so they feel i am good for nothing. Nobody believes in me. So its only a lil ray of hope that i have for myself that is keeping me on the surface. Else i would have sunk long back.

CA SURENDRA KUMAR RAKHECHA

Practising CA at Surat

26263 Points Joined November 2009

Asking some queries :

1. Is your mother too religious?

2. Whether she takes care for her health?

3. Is she well educated (academic)?

4. Your father's job and qualification?

5. Third person's job and qualification?

6. The reason of differences between your sister.

7. Is she your younger sister?

8. Whether her studies are over?

9. Is Financial position too good?

10.Other close relatives like maternals and paternals living in your city?

Guest

She isn't too religious but she prays everyday. She takes a lot of care of her health but she has health issues that trouble her now n then. She is a graduate. She was working with Marti but left the job to take care of my sister when she was a toddler. I wish she had continued her job. At that time I was in 9 th and I remember coaxing her to continue but she always wanted to be a housewife. My father is the senior vice present in a very reputed company. That third person is a housewife. She has two sons and a very loving husband. Her husband and my dad are really good friends so it makes it all the more disgusting coz before we got to know abt it they used to frequent our place a lot. But she has no qualification as such. My sister and I have very different natures. She is too bold and talks without thinking most of the time. I am really quiet when it comes to my personal life. This is the first time I have acted so bold in my life coz I am desperate. She is my younger sister and her studies will be over in a couple of months. Financial position is pretty decent. Most of my relatives live in Delhi. I lived in a joint family till 2 years back. Recently moved into the opposite building. But relations with everyone are pretty strong. That's the funny thing. Everything looks perfect on the surface.