Types of Computer Viruses

*Adam and Eve virus:* Takes a couple of bytes out
of your Apple.

*Airline virus:* You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

*Anita Hill virus:* Lies dormant for ten years.

*Arnold Schwarzenegger virus:* Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

*AT&T virus:* Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are
getting.

*The MCI virus:* Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too
much for the AT&T virus.

*Bill Clinton virus:* This virus mutates from region to region and we're not
exactly sure what it does.

*Bill Clinton virus:* Promises to give equal time to all processes: 50% to
poor, slow processes; 50% to middle-class processes, and 50% to rich ones.
This virus protests your computer's involvement in other computer's affairs,
even though it has been having one of its own for 12 years.

*Congressional Virus:* Overdraws your computer.

*Congressional Virus:* The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with
a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

*Dan Quayle virus:* Prevents your system from spawning any child processes
without joining into a binary network.

*Dan Quayle virus:* Simplye addse ane ee toe everye worde youe typee..

*David Duke virus:* Makes your screen go completely white.

*Elvis virus:* Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy and then self
destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across
rural America.

*Federal bureaucrat virus:* Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little
units, each of which do practically nothing, but all of which claim to be
the most important part of the computer.

*Freudian virus:* Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own
motherboard.

*Gallup virus:* Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of
their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of
error).

*George Bush virus:* Doesn't do anything, but you can't get rid of it until
November.

*Government economist virus:* Nothing works, but all your diagnostic
software says everything is fine.

*Jerry Brown virus:* Blanks your screen and begins flashing an 800 number.

*Madonna virus:* If your computer gets this virus, lock up your dog!

*Mario Cuomo virus:* It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.

*Michael Jackson virus:* Hard to identify because it is constantly altering
its appearance. This virus won't harm your PC, but it will trash your car.

*New World Order virus:* probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people
really mad just thinking about it.

*Nike virus:* Just Does It!

*Ollie North virus:* Turns your printer into a document shredder.

*Oprah Winfrey virus:* Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and
then slowly expands back to 200MB.

*Pat Buchanan virus:* Shifts all your output to the extreme right of your
screen.

*Paul Revere virus:* This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It
warns you of impending hard disk attack---once if by LAN, twice if by C:.

*Paul Tsongas virus:* Pops up on December 25 and says, "I'm not Santa
Claus."

*PBS virus:* Your PC stops every few minutes to ask for money.

*Politically correct virus:* Never calls itself a "virus", but instead
refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism".

*Richard Nixon virus:* Also known as the "Tricky Dick Virus", you can wipe
it out but it always makes a comeback.

*Right To Life virus:* Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how
old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a
counselor about possible alternatives.

*Ross Perot virus:* Activates every component in your system, just before
the whole thing quits.

*Ted Kennedy virus:* Crashes your computer but denies it ever happened.

*Ted Turner virus:* Colorizes your monochrome monitor.

*Terry Randle virus:* Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose "Abort"
from the "Abort, Retry, Fail" message.

*Texas virus:* Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.

*UK Parliament virus:* Splits the screen into two with a message in each
half blaming other side for the state of the system.

*Warren Commission virus:* Won't allow you to open your files for 75 years.