Pakistan Response Template

Dear Prime Minister Manmohan Singh/ Atal Bihari Vajpayee /Narasimha Rao/Rajiv Gandhi ,
Pakistan strongly condemns/is shocked by / is pleasantly surprised with the success of our "freedom fighters" in the loss of dozens/ hundreds /thousands/ millions of innocent lives in the bomb blasts/sniper attack /hijacking / religious riots/other disaster that occurred in a busy marketplace/ train / housing colony /Indian parliament building /temple in Mumbai / Bangalore /Kashmir / Assam/Punjab/ Gujarat/Other.
The Pakistani citizens/soldiers/ "freedom fighters" / "friendship agents" /students who were caught red-handed /found dead at the scene of the crime/ convicted of the crime are actually undercover Indian/American / Israeli agents. Any Pakistanis proven to be guilty of terrorism will be rewarded handsomely /dealt with severely/ promoted to Lt. Colonel/given a new Indian passport and sent back to India /handed over to the Americans as proof of our commitment in the war on terror.
There are no Pakistani army-funded training camps /terrorist camps/ madrasaas in Azad Kashmir/ Afghanistan / Nepal /Bangladesh . The satellite images /photographs/eyewitness accounts/ videotaped confessions obtained by the Indians is frau! dulent/ fake / inconclusive / are actually from Indian terrorist camps and is part of a larger RAW/ CIA conspiracy to destabilize the Pakistani government by stalling democracy /encouraging sectarian violence /undermining Pakistani institutions/ causing the next military coup in Pakistan . A destabilized Pakistani government/ mafia could cause Pakistan to become a dangerous nuclear Wal-Mart/ Target /Seven-Eleven and a terrorist breeding ground/ university /research lab that would be worse for the world.
We hope this will not derail the peace process started with the recent India-Pakistan cricket series /Lahore bus yatra /Muzafarabad-Srinagar road opening / Bollywood peace concert/open borders initiative/ other confidence-building measures . We look forward to justifying further attacks against innocent civilians /resolving the core issue of Kashmir/ developing best-of-breed plausible deniability defenses .
We stand by/are plotting against our Indian brethren in their hour/ days /years /decades of pain.
Signed,
Pervez Musharraf