Nice one

Santa: Mein apni patni ko birthday par kon-sa gift du?
Banta: Ik diamond ring de do.
Santa: Nahi mein kutch badi si cheej deni chahta hu.
Banta: Fir MRF ka tyre de do.

Santa sardi lagne se kamp raha tha. Uska beta doctor ko phone karta hai.
Doctor: Kya hua?
Son: Bimari ka to pata nahin par bapu subha se vibration mode pe laga hai. 

Laloo dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Laloo: Who r u?
Girl: Seeta here.
Laloo: Maine Patna phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya lag gaya.

Banta sent sms to Santa: Bhejne-wala mahan, padhne-wala gadha.
Santa got angry and replied: Bhejne-wala gadha, padhne-wala mahan.

Mayawati ik ped pe chadi. Upar baithey Monkey ne poocha: Upar kyon aayi?
Mayawati: Apple khane.
Monkey: Yeh to aam ka ped hai.
Mayawati: Pata hai, Apple saath laayi hoon.

You have two agarbattis on a boat but no source of fire. How will you light an agarbattis if you are in the middle of the river?"
Some answers are:
1) Throw an agarbatti into the river. It make the boat lighter. Use it to light agarbatti
2) Throw an agarbatti in air and catch it. Catches win matches. Use these matches to light agarbatti
3) Take some river water, let it fall drop by drop. You know that "Tip-tip barsa pani, pani ne aag lagai.". Use it to light the agarbatti

Mayawati: Mera kid bohot fast english bolta hai.
Laloo: Beta bolke dikha.
Kid: english english english english english...

Watch aur Wife me kya farak hota hai?
Laloo: Watch bigadti hai to bandh ho jati hai. Wife bigadati hai to shuru ho jati hai.

Arz kiya hai..ki..
Galib ne bhari mehfil me sher mara.
Galib ne bhari mehfil me sher mara.
Fir kya hua?
...Sherni vidhwa ho gayi.

Saas: Bhagwan ne tumhe 2 aankhe di. Chawal me se 2-4 pathar nahi nikal sakti.
Bahu: Bhagwan ne tumhe 32 daant diye 2-4 pathar nahi chaba sakti kya.