Lesson 1:* *
> A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is
> finishing up her
> shower, when the doorbell rings.
>
> The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and
> runs downstairs.
>
> When she opens the door, there stands Bob,
> the next-door neighbour.
>
> Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you
> $800* *
> to drop that towel.'
>
> After thinking for a moment, the woman drops
> her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after
> a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
>
> The woman wraps back up in the towel and
> goes back upstairs.
>
> When she gets to the bathroom, her husband
> asks, 'Who was that?'
>
> 'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.
>
> 'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything
> about the $800 he owes me?'
>
> Moral of the story:
>
> If you share critical information pertaining to
> credit and risk with your shareholders in time,
> you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
>
> Lesson 2:
> A priest offered a Nun a lift.
>
> She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her
> gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had
> an accident.
>
> After controlling the car, he stealthily slid
> his hand up her leg.
>
> The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
>
> The priest removed his hand. But, changing
> gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
> The nun once again said, 'Father, remember
> Psalm 129?'
>
> The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh
> is weak.'
>
> Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily
> and went on her way.
>
> On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed
> to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek,
> further up, you will find glory.'
>
> Moral of the story:
> If you are not well informed in your job, you might
> miss a great opportunity.
>
> Lesson 3:* *
> A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the
> manager are walking to lunch when they find
> an antique oil lamp.
>
> They rub it and a Genie comes out.
>
> The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one
> wish.'
>
> 'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I
> want
> to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without
> a care in the world.'
>
> Puff! She's gone.
>
> 'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want
> to
> be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my
> personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina
> Coladas and the love of my life.'
>
> Puff! He's gone.
>
> 'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
> The manager says, 'I want those two back in the
> office after lunch.'
>
> Moral of the story:
> Always let your boss have the first say.
>
> Lesson 4
> An eagle was sitting on a tree resting,
> doing nothing.
>
> A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him,
> 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
>
> The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
>
> So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the
> eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox
> appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
>
> Moral of the story:
> To be sitting and doing nothing, you must
> be sitting very, very high up.
>
>
> Lesson 5* *
> A turkey was chatting with a bull.
>
> 'I would love to be able to get to the top of
> that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't
> got the energy.'
>
> 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my
> droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed
> with nutrients.'
>
> The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and
> found it actually gave him enough strength
> to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
>
> The next day, after eating some more dung,
> he reached the second branch.
>
> Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was
> proudly perched at the top of the tree..
>
> He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who
> shot him out of the tree.
>
> Moral of the story:* *
> Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it
> won't keep you there..
>
> Lesson 6
> A little bird was flying south for the winter.
> It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the
> ground into a large field.
>
> While he was lying there, a cow came by
> and dropped some dung on him.
>
> As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow
> dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
>
> The dung was actually thawing him out!
>
> He lays there all warm and happy, and soon
> began to sing for joy.
>
> A passing cat heard the bird singing and
> came to investigate.
>
> Following the sound, the cat discovered
> the bird under the pile of cow dung, and
> promptly dug him out and ate him.
>
> Morals of the story:
> (1) Not everyone who sh*ts on you is your enemy.
>
> (2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your
> friend.
>
> (3) And when you're in deep sh*t, it's best to keep
> your mouth shut! *
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