Funny One-Liners

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
All men are idiots, and I married their King.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Beer: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
Borrow money from a pessimist, they don't expect it back.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Criminal Lawyer is a redundancy.
Death is hereditary.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
Double your drive space. Delete Windows!