Stock Market Meltdown Humor

CA AYUSH AGRAWAL (Kolkata-Pune-Mumbai) (26986 Points)

10 December 2008  

Stock Market Meltdown Humor

Everything about the financial crisis need not be depressing. People are finding humour in the middle of the stocks meltdown. Mobile phones are abuzz with funnySMSs doing the rounds about the financial storm and the stocks crash. Some samples :

  • They told me to invest in stocks for my old age. I did and it worked wonderfully ,within a week I started looking like an old man.
  • Markets are set to regain 20,000 mark... but only if Sens*x, Nikkei and Hang Seng are put together at 5,000 points each, NYSE Composite at 1,000 points, Dow Jones Industrial Average at 3,500 and Nasdaq at 500 points.
  • Black Mondays used to be a once-in-a-lifetime event. Now they are coming along more regularly than Delhi Metro trains.
  • Assets are written on the left and liabilities on the right side. But, there is nothing is right and on the left nothing left on the right .
  • Stock market losses to be treated as tax deducted at source: Finance Minister P Chidambaram.
  • Blockbuster Saare Zameen Par enters into 10th straight month at BSE and NSE multiplexes.
  • Markets are the places where two types of people meet up in the morning -- those with experience and those with money. Towards the end of the day, they exchange their assets and go home.
  • P/E ratio is the percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
  • The market may be bad, but I slept like a baby last night. I woke up every hour and cried.
  • October is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to invest in stocks. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.
  • How many stockbrokers does it take to change a light bulb? Answer is two -- One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.

New Definiations:



1.  PE - Plunge Endless


2.  EBITDA- Exit Before It Tumbles Down Again

3.  QIB - Quixotic Indian Blunder

4.  HNI - Has No Idea

5.  FII - Furious Impoverished Investors

6.  PMS - Premeditated Scam

7.  SIP - Suicide by Investing Patiently

8.  Fund Manager - Last year's ace stock picker now locked up in an asylum

9.  Investor - Someone who is broke

10.                   Broker - Worse off than an investor

11.                   Correction - The next day after you bought shares

12.                   Momentum buying - The fine art of buying high and selling low

13.                   Value buying - The art of buying low and selling even lower