The art of appraisal (funny but true)

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Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. All events and characters are fictional. It does not represent anyone living or dead. It does not represent any company or corporation or any other entity. It is written with a sense of humour, and is not intended to criticize or insult or defame anyone or any entity.

 

Appraisals are a time when all emotions are on the loose and a frenzy atomosphere builds up in cubicles. There is excitement, happiness, sadness, disappointment, envy, hatred, revenge – and everything that can make up a typical Bollywood movie. The whole process goes to show how subjective human perspectives are, and how difficult it is to bring objectivity into the whole thing. 

The style and narration of the below post is largely inspired by the style used by Scott Adams in “Dilbert”. He is one of the best in “business satire”. He has written some wonderful humorous books like “The Joy of Work”, “The Dilbert Principle”, etc. Please read them if you get a chance. They are a good way to relax your mind and laugh at the irony of things.

 

(“Big Boss” and “Kumar” are imaginary characters in an imaginary organization in an imaginary world. If you think they resemble anyone living or dead, it is purely coincidental)

 

Big Boss: This year your performance was good, excellent and outstanding. So, your rating is “average”.

 

Kumar: What? How come ‘average’?

 

Big Boss: Because…err…uhh…you lack domain knowledge.

 

Kumar: But last year you said I am a domain expert and you put me in this project as a domain consultant.

 

Big Boss: Oh is it? Well, in that case, I think your domain knowledge has eroded this year.

 

Kumar: What???

 

Big Boss: Yes, I didn’t see you sharing knowledge on Purchasing domain.

 

Kumar: Why would I? Because I am not in Purchasing, I am in Manufacturing. 

 

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One More ON Appraisal......

 

A newly joined trainee engineer asks his boss "what is the meaning of appraisal?"

Boss: "Do you know the meaning of resignation? "

Trainee: "Yes I do"

Boss: "So let me make you understand what a appraisal is by comparing it with resignation"

Comparison study : Appraisal and Resignation

In appraisal meeting they will speak only about your weakness, errors and failures.

In resignation meeting they will speak only about your strengths, past achievements and success.

In appraisal you may need to cry and beg for even 10% hike.

In resignation you can easily demand (or get even without asking) more than 50-60% hike.

During appraisal, they will deny promotion saying you didn't meet the expectation, you don't have leadership qualities, and you had several drawbacks in our objective/goal.

During resignation, they will say you are the core member of team; you are the vision of the company how can you go, you have to take the project in shoulder and lead your juniors to success.

There is 90% chance for not getting any significant incentives after appraisal.

There is 90% chance of getting immediate hike after you put the resignation.

Trainee: "Yes boss enough, now I understood my future. For an appraisal I will have to resign ... !!!"


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