What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb?
- Two, one to change the light bulb and one to check that it was done within the given budget.
What did the auditors of PW really do in Satyam.....
Finance Manager "The auditors have just left, sir."
R Raju-"Did they check the books?"
R Raju-"What did they say?"
FM-"They want 15% to keep quiet."
The accountant had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time. The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach. Suddenly she piped up, "Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classed as income or a long-term capital gain?
What is the difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion?
What would Economics be without assumptions?
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.
"Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night."
"Have you tried counting sheep?"
"That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."
> A businessman hires a private detective to find a missing accountant. The detective tells him that he needs a descripttion and asks a few questions. “Was he tall or was he short?” The businessman replies, “Both!”
> why men like marry to accountant
- because they tierd from accounting and never account things in thier owen home
love story of ca,
main ca mein tha woh inter mein thi,
main ca mein tha woh ba mein thi,
main ca mein tha woh pg mein thi,
aaj uski shaadi hai aur mera ca final ka xam hai....!!!!
Wat does CA stand for??
(they actually mean keep comin again though.... ;)
A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the Tax auditor who had come to review his records.
At one point the auditor exclaimed, "Mr. Carelton, we feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile."
"Thank goodness," returned Mr. Carelton, with a giant grin on his face, "I thought you were going to want me to pay with cash."
ICAI declared 75 % mandatory increment & 4 months stipend as bonus as well as reduction in articleship by 12 months.
- For more jokes call 3989 3989. Call charges Re. 1 per minute.
Teacher asked a student :- If I buy an item @ 12.75 and sell for 15.25. Is it a loss or profit ?
Student replies :- Profit in Rupees and Loss in Paise.
The stockbroker received notice from the IRS that he was being audited. He showed up at the appointed time and place with all his financial records, then sat for what seemed like hours as the accountant pored over them.
Finally the IRS agent looked up and commented, "You must have been a tremendous fan of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle."
"Why would you say that?" wondered the broker.
"Because you've made more brilliant deductions on your last three returns than Sherlock Holmes made in his entire career."
Q: What is an extroverted accountant?
A: One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own.
Q: What is GAAP (generally accepted accounting principles)?
A: The difference between accounting theory and practice.
A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. Stopping to rest, he tells the shepherd, "I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock."
The shepherd thinks it over. It's a big flock, so he takes the bet.
The man looks around and answers, "869." The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right.
The shepherd says, "Okay, I'm a man of my word, take an animal." The man picks one up and begins to walk away.
"Wait," cries the shepherd, "let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation." The man agrees.
"You are an accountant for the government," says the shepherd.
"Amazing!" responds the man. "You are exactly right! But tell me, how did you deduce that?"
"Well," says the shepherd, "put down my dog and I will tell you."